It’s Valentine Again; The Day of … Sighs … Love
- priincebriight
- Feb 14
- 3 min read
Citizens,
From all projections, this was going to be the year I’d finally celebrate Valentine’s Day with a lover by my side, but we make plans and God laughs, as they say. Still, who knows, I just might still celebrate with a lover by my side. (She’ll be somebody else’s, yes, but we must improvise when out of ideal options, must we not?) We’ll see how the day plays out. Let’s face it, on Valentine’s, everyone is either blissfully coupled up, desperately trying to impress someone, or like me, perfectly content with the company of your dog and a good book. (My dog, Javier, is surprisingly un-romantic. He prefers bones to roses, the uncultured thing.)
Anyway, like every other man dead and alive, I genuinely couldn’t care less about this holiday (Oh you think your boyfriend simply can’t wait to lose all that money to prove he loves you? Girlll, pleaseee), but I have made the decision to celebrate this year! And boy, have I got the most amazing activities planned out! I thought to share my to-do list with you … you know … for the sake of the Single Pringles amongst us who are unsure what to do with themselves while lovers pair up to do whatever lovers do today.
Take a Bag Filled with Pebbles and a Catapult Everywhere I Go
… just in case I run into someone who says ‘ValentiMe’s Day’ instead of ‘ValentiNe’s Day’. If you can’t even get the name right, you needn’t bother with the celebrations in my opinion. There are better ways to make use of your time. Like treating the black eye I WILL give you from 5 meters away using my catapult.
Scout for Random Girls Blushing over a Phonecall and Yell “She’s cheating on you with me” Down the Line
Oh the fun this would be! I would inevitably break a few hearts, yes, but when you really think about it, do they deserve to be happy when I’m not? I’m glad we both agree that the answer is no.
Scroll Through Social Media and Laugh at the Bully from High School
… because once again, he’ll post the same girl that two other guys would, and write epistles saying how lucky he is to have her. (I knowww, I’m gagged too.) I mean, I’d tell him, but he did shove me in my locker that one time, then “forgot” I was still in there until recess. Needless to say, I have still not forgiven him.
Hissssss at Passersby Wearing Matching Outfits or Even Merely Holding Hands
… because who are you trying to impress? As if I couldn’t get a girlfriend too if I wanted. No, darlings, no. My being single is by choice. I’m a strong, independent man who does not need a woman to be fulfilled in life. Hahahahahelpme. 🥲
Spoil Myself Silly
I’m indulging ME for Val this year, because what rule is there against that? I’d definitely deserve it, after spending all day ruining V-Day for others. So, I’ve already paid for a “surprise package” to be delivered to my doorstep today. Best believe I will be wearing a pleasantly surprised expression when the parcel guy shows up. The note in the gift basket would be signed by an imaginary Angela. He won’t question my sanity if he doesn’t know I am, in fact, Angela, so shhh, let’s not tell him.
There you have it, my banging to-do list for Val. Which would you be doing too? Let us know in the comments, and feel free to add your other creative ideas on ways to spend Val as a Single Pringle. If you haven’t yet, you’ll be prompted to sign up to the Nation before you can post a comment. It’s only so we can keep track of, and eliminate comments that go against general guidelines; hate speech, religious blasphemy, that sort of thing. Oh, and subscribing only takes a working email address and seven seconds of your time. (Yes, we checked.)
Oh, and happy Valentine’s Day to you.
Unfortunately I won't using any of your options from your to-do-list 😂, I'll just keep busy on my phone while judging lovers 🌚. An interesting writeup by the way 😊